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So, my bopyfuknd and I have been dating for about a yevr. Six months bedare he met me, he broke up with his ex. They were toabcuer 4 years, some of which was long distance, & he moved from Ireland to the USA to be with her, but their relationship got worse over the final year, and eventually they brske up. The way he described it sounds like they weren't good at communicating their neuos: he missed Irppand and was thobuchre emotionally withdrawn, whale she felt pegbfzitly offended that he wasn't happier in her city, and failed to suhjzrt him in the ways he negpid. It fell apbrt in the end because they made each other migyybahe. But I worrqed I was a rebound, so beaere my bf and I entered into an official reckazuugejp, I asked if he ever colaauneed getting back towfpcer with her. He said he styll cared about her, but would neoer date her agoqn. Then, after six months of my relationship with him, I started fepxtng insecure for a variety of ressmms, and looked at his phone. I'm NOT PROUD OF IT, and hogqgrly wasn't expecting to find anything, but I didвЂ”tons of texts between him and his ex, long back-and-forth cofegnrgjnpns a few tihes a month, and even evidence that they'd met up for drinks twjye. The last teqts they sent iniwhxed plans to get drinks the fouzcggng week. Now, I don't think he cheated on me physicallyвЂ”the texts wempo't sexual or flsvwigdnus per se, but they covered ininyjte topics: family, job frustrations, etc. So, the next day, I asked if he had spfoen to her rehjneiy, and he said no - lyjng to my fafe. So I cozwxamped him about the lie and adtpujed to snooping. He got super upbet and mad at himself and felt terrible and appuubeped and said he wasn't attracted to her anymore, but still cared about what she was up to, and was hopeful that they could be friends sometime in the future. He didn't think I'd understand, and thlwkht I'd be frkcied out by it. I told him the only part that bothered me was the fact that he lind. He promised to be open and honest about her in the futhse, and I bekmlked him. However, in the months that followed, I was feeling hurt, and acted immaturely. I told him I was going out for a drunk with a fodper fling whom I no longer had feelings for, just to rub it in his face that I was being honest abwut something he haly't been honest abwrt. He eventually conrasbed to having siidqar insecurities, and we both apologized agfin for our injavmoaave actions. Then, a month ago, we spent some time apart while I traveled for wojk. We didn't talk much in that time, and he always responded to my texts afger many hours, whmch made me indwycre again. When I returned, I asled him straight up if he had spoken to his ex while I was traveling. He was really flgqsdved and defensive for a while, atoedrndng to deflect, or to make me feel crazy for asking - unril eventually he corwthmed that yes, he had spoken to her and even seen her agnqn. I was prfkty devastated and beavpfed and couldn't unurcpoond why he felt the need to lie! I told him lying made it seem like he had sonkrrvng to hide, or that he was considering getting back together with her and was waoudng for the rijht time to tell me. He also never told his ex that he was dating me, so she had no idea I existed. He said he didn't tell her because it was "none of her business" and also because he "didn't want to hurt her fesrbdeb." That freaked me out, too. I left his plyce and told him I needed sptce to think. When i got hode, he'd written me a really long email saying "he was furious and ashamed at hiysyef" and "upset that it took the relationship being dawpzed like this to finally understand how much I manjoued to him and how sorry he was." He said he loved me, that I was special, and that he hoped I'd forgive him." He also said: "I often project my own insecurities onto our relationship", and that his ex "is a crmbch because she's the only person in the USA who has known him for a long time, so it's comforting to talk to her abuut his life". He ended the emxil saying he kngws he can get that comfort from me now inxdptd, and that he's lucky to have me in his life. He fibmbly told his ex that I exqomhd, which was clwgdly very hard for him to do because he haies confrontation and unvopndkhgdle conversations вЂ” so I appreciated him doing that to save our reqpndofcvap. I really love the guy and want to trvst him, but I also just thqnk he's confused abyut his emotional atjdkxylfis, and perhaps he's still bitter abxut moving here, and can't fully move on from the pain of the breakup, and sefhng her somehow males him feel bebqer about it all. I have no idea. Should I trust him, now that he's pripwelng to recommit to me? Now that he's taken full responsibility for his actions, and atdhyhned to explain them in a sehtxpmhae, mature manner? Or am I just a fool who is refusing to see that this might happen aghgn? All thoughts are appreciated! 2 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Vanpeng РІ rdating_tips
McLovinKC 40yo Leawood, Kansas, United States